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Untitled Document
Lonely this Christmas?
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While people are getting ready for the holidays, many who are disabled
and elderly are preparing for a lonely time. Ann Darnbrough suggests ways
to alleviate the solitude. |
What is it about Christmas? For some people, it is an important Christian festival.
For others, it is a wild spending splurge. And for many, it is a special family
occasion.
But what about the times in our lives when there are no children or family to
share the festival with? What?s the point in cooking a special meal, lighting
the Christmas pud and putting up decorations alone?
I remember one lonely Christmas with no family, when I tried to carry on as
though 25 December was no different to any other 25th of the month and I could
just welcome a few days at home. But the world outside seemed to stop, and the
TV showed nothing but people having jolly parties. I must admit I cried a lot.
Solitude is a part of all our experience at some time in our lives. And while
it may be difficult at first, it is worth learning not just to adapt, but to
enjoy it too.
This takes careful thought. First of all, what are you going to do with all
that time alone?
Perhaps it can be seen as a time to take stock, a time to toss aside the well-worn
novels and start on some new books about the interesting things happening around
you. You could start planning to become part of the new year ahead.
To my mind, there is no better way to get rid of loneliness than by joining
in community activities - even at Christmas. Your nearest library will have
all the information you need to plan what you are going to do over the next
year.
So what else can you do? Lots of people have made good friends in internet chat
rooms. There are thousands of these, where you can virtually meet like-minded
people who could become real friends - all at the touch of a button.
Remember that there are lots of other people out there who will also be alone
at Christmas. You might also ask your local newspaper what?s going on at
Christmas for single people and see if you can help or get involved in any way.
Some local radios run Christmas lines. You can tell them you?ll be alone
and they will let you know about parties and welcoming groups.
You could also get involved in adult education as a way to both combat loneliness
and expand your horizons. A helpline, Learndirect, can tell you about a wide
range of opportunities. Recent research has shown that concentration on study
takes the mind off many physical, mental and emotional problems.
Above all, don?t forget that Father Christmas has only his reindeer for
company. His secret for happiness is to make the rest of us happy.
Case studies
Helen Tate, 35, from Bath
Helen was lonely when she first moved into her own flat. "I needed something
to occupy my time." She approached the ShawTrust, and volunteered to work
in their shop, where she puts in about three days a week. "Being disabled
myself, I knew about working with disabled people, and they jumped at this."
She also works in an Oxfam shop and studied successfully for a GCSE in English
language.
Besides the theatre, "an activity I?ve grown to love is tall ship
sailing. I?m hoping to go for my seventh trip next year. Everyone, disabled
and non-disabled, pulls together. We help cook and clean and learn to steer,
and I have been winched up the mast in a wheelchair. The night watch can be
lonely when you are at sea, though, when you have to stay alert for passing
ships."
Marion, 53, from East Anglia
Like many people with disabilities, I?ve known how it feels to be lonely
and socially isolated. In my late forties, having come out of a failed marriage,
I had few friends or social contacts, and felt unattractive and disheartened.
I resigned myself to being single, especially since I realised that I?d
prefer a same-sex relationship.
A chance encounter led to an invitation to an Outsiders lunch, in London. Thinking
it was merely a lunch club, I was pleasantly surprised to find a friendly, vibrant
and active group that welcomed me with open arms. Through Outsiders, I discovered
another nationwide group - GEMMA - for disabled and able-bodied lesbian and
bisexual women. Support from Outsiders and GEMMA members helped me rebuild my
self-esteem.
It feels now as if I?ve been given a new lease of life - I have friends
all over the country, travel to London meetings when I can, and help to organise
an Outsiders lunch group in East Anglia.
Jim Thomson, 75, from Kilmarnock
Jim has lived on his own since his wife died four years ago. He?s had diabetes
for over 20 years with associated visual impairment, and in June this year his
doctor told him that nothing else could be done for his sight.
Jim was a long distance bus driver, but now he can?t go far because of
breathing difficulties and poor balance. He feels cut off because family members
have died, his only neighbour works full time, and he can no longer read books
or a phone directory.
"I do feel pretty lonely," he says. " My wife and I were an item;
we lived for each other. Now, when people come, it is for a short time and then
they go away - it leaves me feeling worse."
But he?s pleased he?ll be staying with his son and daughter-in-law
over Christmas. He makes a point of getting out to collect his paper and the
milk every day. He also takes himself to a lunch club and collects tapes from
the library. "You?ve got to keep your independence," he says.
Further information
- GEMMA, BM Box 5700, London WC1N 3XX, email: gemmagroup@hotmail.com
- Learn Direct: 0800 100 900, website: www.learndirect.co.uk
- The Outsiders Club: PO Box 28724, London E18 1XW, tel: 020 8220 5949
- Jubilee Sailing Trust, Hazel Road, Woolston, SO9 7BG, tel: 023 8044 9108,
website: www.jst.org.uk
Posted: 19 Dec, 2001
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