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Untitled Document
Still caring after 20 years

Ray Morse began caring for his wife, Margaret, to keep her from entering a home. 23 years on, and he is still providing her with full-time support. Here he looks back at their life together
 Ray and Margaret

“My wife Margaret and I have been married for over 45 years. For 23 of those, I have been her carer. Margaret has osteoporosis and a motor neuron disorder. She is receiving treatment for the osteoporosis, but 12 years too late, due to GP neglect.

She suffered from rheumatic fever as a child, along with the heart condition that usually follows. She overcame this and trained as a florist with a view to furthering her profession on the high seas in passenger vessels. This didn't happen, but she did decorate hotels and churches in Birmingham. After that she became the manager of a florist shop, where we would spend time on our nights off chatting into the evenings.

Margaret went into a neurological unit at Smethwick near Birmingham in 1976. When she came out, I had a choice between leaving my employment as a nurse to look after her, or putting her into a nursing home. The nursing home was out of the question, so I became her carer.

I have osteo arthritis now, and I had a heart attack five years ago - which means lifting and pushing are out while diets and tablets are in. I had the heart attack travelling on a coach to Lancaster University for a conference. As usual, I'd carried Margaret onto the coach, and sat down. But after the attack, it took three men to carry her off. That touched my funny bone and helped ease the pain.Within 15 minutes of arrival in Lancaster, I was in the local infirmary.
“The thought of a person being so fed up with the four walls they look at each and every day that they find a trip to the toilet makes a change filled me with horror 40 years ago and it still does”

For several weeks after the heart attack, we had carers in 24 hours a day. The circumstances under which we have received care have varied greatly: we are both over 65 and no longer considered to be disabled, but elderly.

What this means is that we can no longer get 24 hour care. My wife has the option of entering a nursing home or receiving four hours help a day - not much use when she is quadriplegic.This is how things are today, but we must go back some 48 years for the basis of my thinking about
disability.

When I married Margaret, I was a student nurse on the princely sum of £4 for 48 hours work per week. This rose to £7.18 after I passed my examinations - not counting the tax and insurance that was deducted.

At that time, nursing wards were understaffed (as they are now), with one nurse looking after the maximum number of people who could be crammed into the available space. It was particularly difficult in winter.

However, the thought behind my views of caring were forged on the so-called geriatric wards, where men who had suffered strokes were committed by their families to spend the rest of their lives. Some had been there for 20 years or more.

The thought of spending the greater part of one's life in such circumstances was too much for me, and I made a promise that should I ever look after anyone unfortunate enough to be helpless, then the care that they would receive wouldn't be hopeless and degrading. The thought of a person being so fed up with the four walls they look at each and every day that they find a trip to the toilet makes a change filled me with horror 40 years ago and it still does.

It is becoming more difficult for me to take care of Margaret now. The physical and mental stress that has occurred over the years has taken its toll. The help I receive now keeps me propped up which is good because neither of us wants to go into a nursing home.

There are of course minor irritations but such is life. To try and solve some of these problems, and make those responsible aware of them so that they can be addressed, occupies our time and effort which is a good thing."

Posted: 8 Nov, 2001

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