This is a landmark column for me because it's my 26th which makes it exactly one year since I started writing for Youreable [although Youreable's first birthday is still a couple of weeks away - Ed].

Happy Anniversary to Me! Is it lead or paper for a one year anniversary?

No, it's chocolate isn't it! Of course it is! Maltesers for me today then.

It seems quite unbelievable that a whole year has passed since I tentatively tapped my first piece about my trip to a wheelchair accessible ranch in Arizona which I was reporting on for the BBC's "Summer Holiday" programme.

I remember thinking: "How am I going to come up with something about my life that's worth writing about every two weeks; what if I don't do anything interesting?"

But I needn't have worried; it turns out that I can quite happily blab on about a vast range of subjects from the inane to the sublime, anything and everything from shopping in IKEA to island hopping in Thailand.

Over the year I've had an overwhelming post-bag from my column readers and I want to say thank you very much for taking the time to tell me about yourselves, your thoughts about my articles, and for all your encouragement and support.

I've recently removed the "if you want to contact Lara" bit from my column because I'm working on building up my general health for the next few months and I want as few distractions as possible to help me keep focused.

A couple of columns ago I wrote about feeling unsettled because I had been ignoring my "inner calling".

I've wanted to be an actress for as long as I can remember but I've been putting it off, using my disability as the reason not to pursue my dream. Now, I've come to a stage in my life, (excuse the pun) where I'm not prepared to waste any more time, I've decided not only to concentrate on my acting career but also to hone in on other important areas of my life and make some changes.

I suppose this is the crossroads that many people reach. Some go off for an "Om" fest in an Indian ashram for a few months to work out what's best for them while others do it Geri stylee by taking up yoga and giving up caffeine.

It's all a search for some stillness; trying to find a way out of the chaos and confusion that permeates our everyday lives.

I've suddenly become acutely conscious of how precious life is and I realise it's my responsibility to ensure that I truly live experientially and not just merely exist, mundanely bouncing along from one day to the next without much thought or feeling as to what's actually happening, or expertly ignoring niggling doubts when they show trying to let me know when something is not working for me.

I know this sounds deep and I guess it is. It's profound, but I need to find a way to justify my life and know without a shadow of a doubt that I am all that I can be at any given moment.

This isn't something that happens overnight. I know it will take some time learn to how to listen to myself honestly and find out who I really am and how to live my life in the most truthful way for me.

It's also a huge amount of effort to stop myself from just turning on the TV or finding something else to do when something comes up that I need to deal with but I don't want to be numb to any part of myself any longer. (Thank God our Sky box packed in because I was really struggling to keep MTV at bay.)

I believe we all have a destiny to fulfil and a path to travel but more than that I believe life is for really living; with passion, with depth, with truth and above all with joy.

Somehow, with all my passion, complexity and thoughtful musings about the world and the human condition which I share with you in this column, I still don't feel I really know myself which seems a weird thing to say but if I did understand all that I'm about, I wouldn't be trying to figure out why I feel unfulfilled.

I just feel there's something missing and I want to at least make an attempt to find out what it is. I've often thought it might just be Minstrels or a curry that I need, so I eat them and feel a temporary glow of satisfaction but then all too quickly that underlying void seeps back in and I'm full yet empty. Oh, it's a dichotomous life this.

I've started filming for "That's Esther". We're on air from May 5th and I'm going to castings for acting jobs. I went up for the new Levi's commercial yesterday. I've never seen so many stunning people in one room before.

I know disabled people aren't supposed to be impressed by stereotypical images of beauty because it promotes body fascism blah, blah, blah, but what can I say? I'm a sinner. I couldn't help staring at these utterly gorgeous beings with their perfect bodies, translucent skin and groovy clothes.

I've cut my social life right down over the past month resulting in maximum time to work on mind, body and spirit. So, when I'm not drooling over delicious denim clad models, it's an introspective time while I spring-clean my life.

I don't know where this will lead me but I'm excited about it.

Anything could happen…Or, nothing could happen… check back here for the next nail-biting instalment of my epiphany!