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?I can see whole people walking along
the street outside the sitting room whereas before I could just see heads
and torsos!?
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One foot at a time
Hopefully, some of you managed to catch me and my “Mind Instructor”,
Hratch, being interviewed by the lovely Gloria Hunniford on “Open
House” last week. If you didn’t, I can tell you it was pretty
amazing even by my very critical standards.
The programme showed video footage that Hratch took of me trying to walk
when I first started Mind Instruction. I could barely stand even with
the help of two people, had terrible spasms, was falling to one side and
appeared very frightened. Then they showed some film of me three and a
half months later, taken the day before we recorded the show; I was walking
with the help of just one person, dramatically less shaky and practically
fearless.
I was shocked because I hadn’t realised how weak and unstable I
had previously been, I just don’t remember, I had somehow blocked
it out. Even my P.A, Shannon, was incredulous because she too had forgotten
how much difficulty we had just a few months ago. Also, for the first
time since my career in television started four years ago, I sat in a
normal chair rather than my wheelchair for the interview. I haven’t
had the confidence to do that before because my trunk stability was so
bad.
Since filming the programme it has been firsts all the way. My walking
has improved to the point where Shannon and I no longer have to be supervised
by Hratch. This is a big deal because up until last week, I would still
have moments where I would lose my balance, not be able to right myself
with just Shannon’s help, my knees would start to give way and Hratch
would have to step in and stop me collapsing.
Every day this past week, Shannon and I have not used the wheelchair inside
the house at all and it is like living in a completely new house because
I see everything from a standing rather than a sitting perspective and
it’s a totally different experience.
With Shannon’s help, I have gone into the kitchen and poured myself
some water standing up, for the first time in six years. I’ve brushed
my teeth standing at the bathroom sink, stood in my wheelchair lift, opened
the blinds, reached into the top of the fridge and the higher shelves
in my wardrobe. I’ve walked into every room, I’ve seen what
the neighbours’ and my garden looks like from the upstairs window
whereas before all I could see was tree and rooftops. I can see whole
people walking along the street outside the sitting room whereas before
I could just see heads and torsos!
I spend hours dragging Shannon from room to room. I want to feel the different
types of floor under my feet; wood, carpet, bathroom tiles, the cement
ramp outside. I love to open the windows and then go and close them again.
I like to go and get more water just because I can. I like to walk to
the loo and don’t have to worry about not drinking too much because
it was hard for Shannon to stand me up to take me to the loo before and
now it’s quite literally a piece of p**s! It’s so liberating.
All this walking practise is not so easy, at times it’s a struggle
and I definitely have a way to go before I’m walking on my own but
it’s massively easier than just a few weeks ago. I get a very sore
back because I push myself to near exhaustion, sit down, drink some water,
get up and push myself a bit more. However, I love it with all my heart
and soul. I love having to go to bed at ten because I can hardly keep
my eyes open, I love sleeping for ten hours because my body is so tired,
then getting up to do it all over again. I even love the sore back because
a while ago it wasn’t just sore, it was really painful and I would
have to fight to stop myself from crying and wanted to punch someone because
I just couldn’t bear it.
At that time, I couldn’t talk when I did my walking practise because
it took every ounce of my being to make a single step, I couldn’t
even smile whilst trying to walk. Now, Shannon and I chat away and if
I stop or shake or wobble, we give an instruction “don’t shake”,
“stand straight” etc, my brain obeys the command and we carry
on.
Perhaps this all sounds rather mundane to all you “walkers”,
me spending several hours a day, six days a week, wandering around my
house but I am just about as happy as I can be simply putting one foot
in front of the other. Today I got my first blister on my foot, hooray!
I can’t remember the last time I got a legitimate blister from honest
walking graft; usually I just get them on my left hand because I burn
it and don’t feel it.
Thank-you very, very much to everyone who has taken the time to write
such supportive comments about me in the discussion forum, I always keep
an eye on what’s being talked about and by whom and there have been
some lovely, very encouraging things said. It makes a big difference to
the way I feel about fighting for “the cause” when I see disabled
people having constructive, informative and non-judgemental chats whether
about me or anyone else. After all, if we can’t accept and embrace
each other and our differences, how can we expect the able-bodied to do
so?
P.S There’s a “That’s Esther” airing on Sunday
25th August showing me finding a P.A (carer) and chatting with Esther
and Jonothan Cainer about astrology.
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