After eight months of working almost solidly on my physical recovery, I’ve come to a point where the results I’m seeing do not match the amount of work I’m putting in and it’s really disheartening, to put it in polite terms.

I’ve hit patches like this a few times since starting the “Mind Instruction” technique as our lives do seem to go in cycles, so it’s not completely out of the blue but it’s unnerving.

As my resistance is low, it makes my doubting mind spring to the fore, taunting me with difficult questions like: “Is this it then? Is this as much as you can do? Are those doctors right after all?” Often swiftly followed with comments like: “Loser!”

I understand I shouldn’t take too much notice of this inner dialogue because I’m in a downward spiral and going on past experience of these episodes when all my thoughts are tainted with negative emotion, I just have to distance myself, not take myself too seriously and keep reminding myself this will pass.

It’s a mild depression and so nothing seems very groovy right now except chocolate biscuits. They’re the only things that can be relied upon to remain constant in my affections, whatever my mood. (And puppies.)

At the moment, it’s like I’m two people. One of me is haranguing me with taunts of “You can’t do it! You haven’t got it in you!” whilst the other me encourages me to fight this uncertainty saying “Don’t listen to her, she’s hormonally challenged, she’s in a slump, she’s incapable of rational thought, somebody get the Prozac!” (I feel able to make jokes about prescription drugs that I’ve had personal experience of although I’d like to say at this point, I found counselling and not medication, to be the most effective long-term weapon in combating severe depression.)

Temporary but very definite pleasure was found in watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. This is a funny film; it’s about a large, dysfunctional but well-meaning Greek family’s obsession with marrying off their daughters. As my family on my father’s side are Jewish, I could relate to this; my Grandmother started trying to marry myself and my half-sister off to “nice Jewish boys” from the moment our umbilical cords were cut and, at every Friday night dinner, the first question we were asked over the chicken soup was: “So, have you met any nice boys?”

When I was a child, I found it highly amusing watching my older half-sister rolling her eyes and tutting as she squirmed her way out of answering the question, (she had “met” numerous nice boys but being a teenager, her family were the last people she was about to share this with.)

Then when I hit my teens, my laughter turned to teeth gritting; I couldn’t get a boyfriend for love nor money and didn’t appreciate my Grandma’s weekly reminder of my ineffectuality in the pulling department.

Another sliver of happiness has come to me in the form of internet shopping.

I realise that I’m a late starter and that you have all been pushing your cyber trolleys around virtual shops for many moons. However, I’ve only just got a computer that’s capable of downloading the megababes or whatever that enables the cyber space spending spree to commence.

This pleasurable activity should really come with a disclaimer as it’s very easy to double-click your way into the red as you are hypnotised by all those shimmering images which seem to wink at you and call your name. (Well, that’s my excuse anyway.)

But it hasn’t all been rhinestone thongs and body glitter, oh no, I have found some much less frivolous ways to spend my money too.

As I worry about the environment and the general irresponsibility we display in the way we choose to inhabit the earth, without much thought for the long-term effects of our short-term mutilations, the discovery of the website ecozone.co.uk brought a big smile to my grumpy face.

At Ecozone, you can buy eco-friendly products online and I promptly spent all my wages on stapeless staplers, pencils made from recycled vending machine cups and chlorine-free bleach, leaving my towels and my conscience clean and bright.

To help me spend my money more conscientiously I bought a book called “The Good Shopping Guide” (you should be able to buy it from most bookstores.)

You hear these horror stories about large organisations using slave and child labour to manufacture their products, but somehow you can’t quite believe these sorts of things are really going on. This book tells you exactly how ethical all the major brands and companies are, enabling you to ensure your money doesn’t go towards supporting oppressive regimes, armaments, animal testing, nuclear power etc.

It’s incredible to think that money you spend in your local supermarket could end up supporting the use of forced labour or the supply of nuclear weapons. I was very shocked to find just how unscrupulous many of the big name brands are.

I feel it’s very important that we as consumers have knowledge of exactly what we’re buying into every time we make a seemingly innocuous choice such as which chocolate bar or cereal to purchase. We all have a responsibility to take care of the earth we live on and the people that share it with us; buying this book is a ten pound investment into a fairer, more peaceful world.