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Asserting yourself
Do you find it excruciating to ask for a raise? Are you being paid enough? Impossible to say no to extra work you can't really handle? When you finally work up the courage do you end up sounding blunt and aggressive? Stand up for your rights with this basic guide. Why be assertive? If you don't communicate what you want, you are very unlikely to get it. What's more, instead of staying out of trouble, you're more likely to end up annoying others. If you don't respect yourself enough to say what you think, other people won't respect you. They become exasperated at your failure to speak/act and you feel further alienated and resentful. Be assertive not aggressive Being aggressive infringes on other peoples' needs, which is hardly fair when you're concerned about your own. They will be less likely to offer up their ideas for fear of being shouted down - which means both you and the company lose out. It also makes them defensive and more inclined to respond negatively to what you have to say. Be direct Remove anxiety from your statements. For example, 'I'd like to change the procedure.' Keep it simple and to the point, rather than 'Maybe we should? ' or 'It might be a good idea to?' which smack of timidity. Remove the personal from your statements Remove implications of blame or judgment from your statements. For example 'I think the best way is to adopt plan X' rather than 'I think your plan Y is weak'. This accentuates the positive and moves you closer to what you want without creating bad feeling by focusing on a negative. Be brief Waffling is indicative of nervousness. When you ramble you also tend to confuse yourself and the other person and dilute what exactly it is that you want. Don't use self-regulatory statements Phrases like 'I ought' and 'I should' imply that you have relinquished control to an outside force. This makes you seem immature and unable to take responsibility for yourself. Similarly, avoid words like 'just', 'only' and 'suppose' and never put yourself down. Remove emotions from your statements If a colleague asks you to do something and you're too busy, resist the temptation to colour response with emotion, eg 'Can't you see I'm flat out? This suggests that you are being defensive, and taking a simple request personally. If your reply is something along the lines of 'Sure. I'm flat out this afternoon - how about tomorrow morning?' you simply deal with the matter in hand. Don't justify yourself
Don't precede a request by apologising for it first: you could suggest you don't think much of what you're about to say yourself. Apologising too profusely for something does not show how nice you are; it implies that you feel guilty. It also makes you look as if you have so little self esteem that you expect to be condemned at every turn. |