Intimacy - disabled or non-disabled

[Lighttouch]

Now this thad may well get some hits from all our mysterious guests.

Yes folks, disabled people have needs. Unless you're married, cohabiting, have a partner then look away.

On Thursday I'm off to Yorkshire to meet up with a 'friend'. I don't know her very well but we've been in touch since October.

Frightening as it may seem she's younger than I, able-bodied, in work and is separated. Personnaly I find her very attractive. Let's put it this way - she's far to good for me - so why are we seeing each other - good question! She's reaching out for me . Why? Well she has some understanding of disability as her son returned from Iraq, as a marine, with a war injury.

Is she my type?Well she's creative - an artist and poet - fine as I'm creative too. When I met her for thefirst time she's tall, slender, sun glasses on top of head and drives a flash soft top sports car and is often abroad in interesting places.
Oh god, what on earth does a 'crip' like me have to offer - mmm nothing glamorous, spectacular or expensive.

But perhaps she sees something in me that the average 'able-bodied' guy doesn't have.

At this stage I won't presume to know what that could possibly be - perhaps some of our lady members could enlighten us poor males. All feedback welcome.

[treborc]

I walked around a corner home on leave, saw this blond girl sitting at a table drinking a glass of wine on her own, asked if I could sit down, she said yes. Six weeks later we were married, I was fit health playing football rugby, she was learning to walk.

She has spine Bifida although to see her you would not know except for a small limp she has, but of course she has major health problems.

She told me that most people did not want to know if she told them about her disability.

we have been married 40 years this year.

I just say life is strange and people are more then just ability or disability.

[Lighttouch]

Treboc thanks for sharing your story. I can see you're a smooth operator. You obviously have the gift of the gab.

Today women are taking the lead. They have jobs which they enjoy, live alone because they can and like to have company when they want. A lot more women are independent and have choices.

And I know of women who have got married but still kept their first home after moving in with their husband / partner. I guess it's like insurance or a 'bolt hole' in case things go pear shaped.

We digress - intimacy - are you dating? How did you meet? Is your partner understanding about your impairment? Now don't be shy as everyone has a story to tell.

[andypandy]

Its a shame that we can't have private conversations on this new YA Lighttouch.

Good Luck

Let us know how you get on x

[Maurice]

Good luck to ya Touch

Mossy

[andypandy]

How did it go ?

[Lighttouch]

How did it go ?

Hello AP thanks for asking.

You see there are two types of relationship I think you can have with a woman - intimate or a friendship.. If it sets out to be a friendship and you want a sexual relationship that doesn't quite make it you can never return to just a friendship as it will fizzle out.

Well I met my artist friend at her studio as she was still working on a commission and it was a working day. It's not an accessible venue as it's in the loft up a steep staircase with a handrail on just one side - my side where my arm doesn't work. Anyway with a little help on the last step all was well without concern. Her gallery had changed since I last saw it with new paintings and new commissions in 'working progress'. Background 'coffee table music' was playing,coffee was on the percolator.

She was dressed in skin tight jeans showing off her lovely legs. White blouse with coloured silk scarf complete with sun glasses perched on her brunette shoulder length head of hair.

I sat on a two seater sofa and we chatted about her recent visit to Paris and the swiss alps where she had been invited to teach people how to draw and paint. This weekend she's in London doing the same.

Anyway, back to the story - she sat alongside me showing the snaps she'd taken on her digital camera. Our shoulders were touching as she flicked through her photos, then she tossed her auburn hair back - our eyes met and we gently kissed.

Her lips were like velvet - her tongue entered my mouth - before you knew it we were french kissing. She was breathing heavily through her nose, she raised her hand to brush it through my hair - I placed my hand on her firm bosom -I could feel her erect nipple . . . then I heard the clanking of footsteps on the bare board wooden staircase - customers All composed we greeted the customers - a couple over from Belfast who were in the area. Liz did a bit of her sales spiel - but alas no sales. The moment was lost.

Antway she was due elsewhere at 2pm so our time together was brief - I had to depart. I was OK descending the steep staircase as the handrail was on my good side.

We embrassed at my car before we departed - more of a French way of departing - kisses to oth sides of the face. We waved goodbye and I departed to find a coffee bar in Ilkley, Yorkshire. She's a lovely woman. but there will always be distance that keeps us apart. She has no idea how passionate this disabled guy can be and I'm afraid that she'll never find out - perhaps it's her loss.

We're still in touch obviously but she's very weary and I'm not sure how to break the barriers down. Unlucky in love I guess.

[andypandy]

Oh LT, thats such a shame, but I believe if things are meant to be then they will work out. Perhaps she is not THE ONE or if she is then I am sure things will work out.

By the way have you thought about writing steamy novels ;-)

All the best

[treborc]

Ah sex I remember what it was about, or is that I'd like to think I remember it.;)

[andypandy]

yeah me too !

[Lighttouch]

AP that's a shame. Where there's a will . ..

Writing - never thought that anyone would bother reading stuff like that. Anyway it's more fun doing than reading.

Ah ha - two texts from two different women wanting to meet up for a light bite. You see I must have a way with words - no idea why as I'm just being me. So lunch tomorrow with my Malaysian friend and an evening out Thursday with my ex-boss - who's a true English Rose in her late 30s and a bright cookie too. Alas they are both married but with no kids - are these marriages of convenience I wonder??

[pam s]

For a moment,i thought i was reading a romantic novel,you could always give writing a go!

[andypandy]

I agree with you Pam ;-)

I'm afraid not all married couples can or choose to have children LT - the best advice I can give to you and it was given to me, so I am just doing a friend a favour If you are trying/looking for a relationship it will be written all over your face. You will find that you will find the perfect partner when you least expect it.

For now you sound like a friend I would like to have thats for sure

[Lighttouch]

AP I totally agree with you. Anyway I'm not as socially mobile as I used to be. The best way to meet someone new is on the dance floor - that's a contact sport that I used to enjoy. lol Sadly my dancing days are over.

Anyway it's nice to have you as a friend. :o)

[treborc]

Yes drolling tends to make it obvious.....

[Lighttouch]

To drool or not to drool - that is the question. I think drooling is for teenagers when they see their favourite pop idols on telly. lol

Perhaps if you see someone you like or admire you might just push the boat out a little more than usual to get to know the person inside - find out what makes them tick, their outlook, thoughts and feelings - yes like a mini interrogation - they in turn will pick up the vibes about you. The last thing to do is to say nothing - people want to know what's stirring in these little grey cells. After all each person is different and what one person finds interesting another person is left cold.

[Lighttouch]

Yes, taken from lyrics by Bernie Taupin and a great record by Sir Elton.

Women. You can't live with them and you can't live without 'um!

I've had a knock back today from my Yorkshire lass. We were due to meet up this Saturday but it's off. A few emails flew back and forth. And I got the impression she had gone off the boIl. Minutes later she phones me up for a heart to heart to say she doesn't feel sociable at the moment as she's got problems.

Give me strength! She'll see me in Manchester for a coffee next week. I'll need more than two shots of caffeine at this rate.
;);)

[treborc]

I think my wife would be unhappy it I went off the rails, she is a trained butcher.

[Lighttouch]

I think my wife would be unhappy it I went off the rails, she is a trained butcher.

Christ I wouldn't like to be you winning a debate in your kitchen with your wife - especially after she's rolled some pastry and is sharpening the cleaver!! :o:o

Well it's sorted. I'm taking a young lady out who I've never seen or met before - she happens to be a single woman who knows a female friend of mine. We've only talked on the phone about work issues as she's recently been given the sack - sorry 'let go'.

We're going to a matinee on Saturday - a musical called Ghost. Well she's experienced a lot of crap and needs a bit of light relief and escapism.

[andypandy]

Have a great time - let us know how its goes:-)

[Lighttouch]

I like your new Aviator AP - very apt!

Well today I went on a sort of blind date. We arranged to meet in the foyer 30 minutes before the show. I was late as I couldn't find a parking bay! Loads of people, (mainly women), were chatting and loafing around on the pavement outside. I ventured indoors. I was tapped on my shoulder from behind - I did say she'd spot me first. lol.

We had barely spoken when one of the ushers asked me for my tickets - 'ah sir, you need to go back outside and make your way to the side entrance where I'll let you in the accessible way'.

So we still hadn't really spoken. She was blonde, shorter than I, she had a nice smile and was well presented. Oh incidentally I forgot - when we first met she said my name in any enquiring manner. I said 'yes' and said her name. She smiled - I said 'lend me your lips' and we kissed before uttering anything more. Yes I'm quite forward - well it breaks the ice. lol

We were escorted to our seats - not as accessible as I was told. Two steps - yes but each 'step' consisted of 'two steps' and no handrail. The usher offered assistance and I took it. Happily seated we were able to chat for ten minutes before the show started.

During the interval I thought twice about negotiating the stairs but in the end suggested she went to the bar and brought the drinks back - good plan. The musical was very slick using the very latest digital technology for set changes and moved at a pace - first class.

After the show I suggested that we go for a drink locally. She asked where I was parked and we surprisingly went back to me car to find a suitable watering hole. Anyway I thought Starbucks was a plan so we parked nearby - wandered in - I gave her some money, my order and visited the accessible loo. She had found suitable seating - we chatted over coffee then she suggested it was getting late and she needed to catch the bus.As it happened she'd come by car but left it outside town to save parking fees. So I gave her a lift as I know Manchester roadways like the back of my hand.

Was it successful - I'd say yes. Do I want to meet her again - I'd say yes. Does she want to see me again - well she said she had an enjoyable time and we got on really well. I think I'm in the driving seat so it's up to me to make things happen.

[treborc]

Sophisticated or what?

when I was courting me wife, she had to come around watching me paying football, that was her time out, although of course we entered the FA cup and we worked up the leagues, until we played a big name and then we have an after game do. Then when I had to give it up I started coaching and again she would have to go to the after games do, not bad some of those in London. She knows more about the laws of the game then I do these days. now she is watching my grandson playing.

[Lighttouch]

Well having met a Polish woman a few months back our relationship has passed a critical point - we took out an apartment in Cyprus for a week where we were thrown together 24/7- a testing time for anyone!

Despite various disabling barriers regarding the environment we survived in-tact and we're still seeing each other - I must be doing something right! lol

The question is how did we get on 'intimately'. Well despite having only half a body that works OK - she's able-bodied and very health conscious I still have some surprises up my cuff that made her day. It's a good job she has a sense of humour. lol

My advice - just be yourself - that's all you can be.

[phyzzezee]

Well having met a Polish woman a few months back our relationship has passed a critical point - we took out an apartment in Cyprus for a week where we were thrown together 24/7- a testing time for anyone!

Despite various disabling barriers regarding the environment we survived in-tact and we're still seeing each other - I must be doing something right! lol

The question is how did we get on 'intimately'. Well despite having only half a body that works OK - she's able-bodied and very health conscious I still have some surprises up my cuff that made her day. It's a good job she has a sense of humour. lol

My advice - just be yourself - that's all you can be.

Excellent :) The most recent post on my blog might just be of interest to you....
http://phyzzezee.wordpress.com/2011/09/04/satin/

[Lighttouch]

Well how time flies. Last month I seemed to be in a steady relationship with my Polish lady friend. I'll have to say I really felt happy in this woman's presence. However the more you get to know each other the more cracks begin to appear due to incompatibilities. A major downside has been 'distance' we live a two hour car journey apart. You can't just drop in for a chat and coffee. So alas that relationship is lost.

However, just when you least expect it - I'm now taking it slowly with a woman I met at my local 'all abilities' cycling club. She is a volunteer and a real cyclist from the same club that I was a member of many years ago Luckily she only lives two miles away and she can cycle or walk around to my place. It's great.

Once again, despite me having a very 'in your face' impairment she got to know me better when we cycling together - I was on a trike and she was on a recliner trike. Well despite the age gap - who's counting - we seem quite happy in each others company. I'm not rushing into any intimate relationship having just left one so I'm happy with a friendship. At least we can get to see each other about four times a week which has to be a bonus. Where will it end up you might ask. Well I never ask those kind of questions as you never can tell can you!

[Stepheninleeds]

Always best to work at what you have, & hope for more. I think when it comes to being a couple there are many things against it, & if you worry about the bad you cannot enjoy the good.

[Lighttouch]

Well it's a New Year and after recently losing my sister to a long term illness and still recovering from a trip and fall incident I seem to have developed a new friendship with a local lass. We first met back in August when she visited me in a professional capacity at home as an outreach worker. I was looking at options for perhaps doing voluntary work. We drifted away from 'business' and found we had a few interests in common.

Time passed but she sent me information by email about possible volunteering opportunities. Then we just stayed in touch. I had some tickets to see a family theatre show and decidid to ask her to join me - she accepted and it was fun - short of receiving a parking ticket at the venue. We then met casually for a coffee late one afternoon which also went well - on that occassion I also got a parking ticket!

She also joined me to see an Opera locally. She's very good company and seems to take my disabilities in her stride.

On boxing day she invited me around for a festive tea and I also met her 15 year old daughter who was very nice. So there's not been any romance as such but we seem to enjoy each others company. It's interesting as we send emails to each other every other day just talking about how our days have gone and this enables us to disclose a little more information about our likes, fears, what angers us etc. It's a good way to get to know each other.

Tonight I suggested that she might like to join me to see live theatre in the round. Yes came the reply I'm free Saturday and Sunday. The other great bonus is that she lives locally - 10 minutes away. So despite all the negative things that have happened in the last few months it's always nice to have something positive happening. A chink of light in the winter months. Who knows where it will lead . . .

[Stepheninleeds]

I hope it works out for you two. You need something positive. There is no rush either, to escalate the relationship. I think often people are in such a rush to go to the next stage (I do not just mean sex, I mean a more personal relationship) that this can put pressure on people they may not feel ready for. Sometimes things need to happen on their own, but sometimes a little nudge is OK too.

[sea queen]

I think there are many forms of relationships, if physical can be part of the relationship - fine, if not just love and happiness in being together is fine as well.

[R0KK17]

i agree with andypandy...man that is some grade a steamy stuff man! My heart goes out to ya pal. sorry to hear about it. all the best

[Lighttouch]

Well all went OK last night at the theatre - a sort of comedy farce sketch.

I was driving and was able to scure the last accessible parking bay near theatre entrance. At the entrance disaster - the lift was out of action - oh no! Well I had to use stairs - god I'm soooo slow and careful as I don't want a trip and fall now! Managed it - hooray! She bought the drinks in and soon after we made our way to the seats. All level access - in fact we were on the same level as the stage - brilliant! Saw a wheelchair user and asked how he got in - via the goods lift! mmmm.

Anyway we had an enjoyable evening - so no romance just an affectionate short kiss at the end of the evening and an invite for tea tonight. She left me with some chocolate filled buns - home made I might add!

Anyway I better be on my way for my tea at her house with her daughter. It's like being in the TV show 'The Waltons'. Goodnight John boy. Let's see what happens tonight - all good fun.

[Lighttouch]

Well I'm still seeing my above lady friend. We're out at the cinema tonight watching a horror film called Raven - not my choice as there'll be too much blood and guts - I see enough of my own blood with trips and falls to satisfy my normal quota of the red stuff.

We're moving up into fourth gear so I better hold onto my hat. Heeeeelp . . . .. I need an automatic!!

[Stepheninleeds]

Just make sure you have GPS ;)

[hedieh]

:confused:

[Stepheninleeds]

Why are you confused?

[Lighttouch]

Well I'm still seeing my above lady friend. We're out at the cinema tonight watching a horror film called Raven - not my choice as there'll be too much blood and guts - I see enough of my own blood with trips and falls to satisfy my normal quota of the red stuff.

We're moving up into fourth gear so I better hold onto my hat. Heeeeelp . . . .. I need an automatic!!

Just an update . . . well we lay our cards out and I guess that's when I was told by my fair lady that she is still seeing an old flame but didn't mind if we remained friends. Well in my opinion the relationship has lost it's magic if you're discussing a third party! I've decided to take to the highway and don't see the point in keeping in touch.

Aren't people complicated - there's too much 'baggage' attached to other relationships.

Anyway I've been seeing my 'cycling friend' over the last week. She's quite bright and 16 years younger. I think she might be an 'Aspie woman' - I seem to attract them like moths to a bulb! Still she's company and a bit of fun but not someone I could settle in with.