View Full Version : Abusive carers

08-09-2011, 11:58 PM
Hi everyone. Sorry that my first post on here is on such a negative subject but I'm just recovering from a bit of a crisis.

I have been suffering from a dibilitating condition for just the past 2 years and started a new relationship at the same time. I think that with all the stress of my illness I just hadn't realised how abusive this relationship was. No actual physical abuse but very clever psychological manipulation until I felt I was totally dependant on him.

I reached crisis point a few weeks ago, poured out everything to my gp and he actually said that I was dealing with a very nasty man who obviously had some kind of personality disorder to have been treating me this way.

My gp has since put me in touch with plenty of support agencies and I have come a very long way in a very short time. My physical health has improved greatly as well as my mental health.

It is very sad that there are people out there who will prey on the vulnerable in this way and please if you feel this is happening to you then talk to someone. There is help out there and the initial embarrassment I felt at being so foolish to have allowed myself to get so low as to be in this position was soon forgotten when I was told that it was not me who had the problem here.

I do hope that none of you are having to suffer in the way that I have done recently but please do tell someone if you are.

Love Gabbi

08-10-2011, 04:00 PM
Well done for being strong enough to leave the relationship and thank you for sharing that.

08-18-2011, 02:39 AM
Part of DLA and ESA on mental health grounds deals with if you're vulnerable to anti-social behaviour from others such as verbal abuse. Can this be from people inside the home as well as outside the home?

Can I ask what the debilitating condition was?

08-19-2011, 03:53 PM
I don't think the OP condition is relevant here to be honest.

Verbal abuse is verbal abuse whether it is from inside or outside the home

08-20-2011, 04:54 AM
I hope you are okay Gabbi? I have had similar experience to yourself but from my wife's carer. Well it was a few of them actually. I totally went in myself and didn't want to go out and lost contact with my friends. My confidence was totally shattered. It was just like constant put downs to infront of my wife, things like 'your friends are odd' , 'you don't bring the best out in people'. She even said to me she would take my wife on holiday but without me, but she would take her with her friend. Cause apparently I don't appreciate things as much as her friend did. Which is crap. She totally interfered with our privacy and make constand slied comments about me. Dread to think what she said behind my back. But she was very manipulative. In the end we have split up and with the other carers doing stuff aswell, it all got too much in the end. I was also my wife's carer and have a disability myself. I just couldn't cope in the end, I feel awful cause I just wanted to walk out and said I would a couple of times. She totally has got control of her. She said I've known her longer than you have. To be honest I really would like to take her to court but I do not know how to go about it. If anyone has any ideas then please let me know. She physically abused my wife aswell and told me she used to do something to a service user in the home, when I told her my male PA was doing innappropriate things.

08-20-2011, 01:48 PM
You must report her and your male PA to the care agency/authorities asap! These are serious allegations and without evidence you may find you get nowhere, so be very sure of what you say.

08-21-2011, 04:38 PM
I agree with Jay

08-21-2011, 10:51 PM
I agree with Jay And i agree with you and jay.

08-29-2011, 11:55 AM

09-20-2011, 07:45 AM
I see this is a Thread that is almost a month old, but wanted to reply as it is a serious matter.

I am glad you were able to get some help & get out of this situation. I would love to hear an update on how things are going. Sadly abuse is common, but far from the norm, when a person is vulnerable, be that physically or mentally. It needs to be reported, this can be to a social worker, another carer, or even the police. Everyone has the right to be safe & feel safe. Anyone who is scared need to know there is help out there, but they can only help if they know about it.