I hate this

[SkyBlue]

I'm blind and I still haven't come to terms with my disability, or accepted it, or however you want to put it. I have had it since birth so in theory I should be fine with it as I've never known any other life, but I'm not.

I used to get by, up until I was about 14, by saying it would be ok and I wouldn't be like this forever. I mean obviously I knew I would and that nothing could be done, but it was a way of dragging myself through the days. Now though I can't even do that. Loads of people in my year are learning to drive, or going out whenever they want and living the life I should have had. People always say it doesn't matter and that I can still have a wonderful life but that's not the point, the life I'm going to have isn't the one I want. Most people make decisions about their future but the one thing about myself I'd change has always been out of my controll.

The truth is I don't think I ever will accept it. I'm really independent, I have good mobility skills, I can cook and clean and pretty much look after myself. It's not that being blind stops me doing things like that. I'd do well at school if I could motivate myself but I can't because all I can see is this horrible existance forever. I don't deny that blind people get jobs and have kids and everything, it's just that I don't feel like I'm part of that. I don't want to be part of it.

I suppose the most ironic thing is that I keep a blog where I offer other people advice about being independent at school etc. I think it's because I know all that stuff, I'm happy to help other people, I just don't want to be in this situation myself.

I don't know if I can ever learn to like the me I am. If i'll ever stop wanting to be who I could have been. Please don't tell me I'll still have a happy and independent life, I've heard that all before. I want to know how I can try and accept myself, or if it's even possible.

[Stepheninleeds]

Well, you know you need to accept it, but right now you cannot. People do not get it, how hard it can be to adjust. I think adjusting is ongoing, because as you have said, things change. You are at a point in your life when thing are happening around you that you feel you cannot be a part of or do yourself. How can that be easy to accept? Why should you have to accept it? Ok, you cannot change the fact you are blind, that you know, that is actually not the issue. The issue is that you cannot accept there are things you cannot do that other can. What is the solution then? Therapy?

How do we accept our limits? As someone who know what it is like to be blind, I was for a short time as a child, & I am partially sighted now, I can understand to a certain degree. Also as a disabled person I know the limits of my life & situation. How have I accepted that? Well, at one time in my life I could not accept things, I do not mean being disabled, I mean other things, prejudices, racism, etc. I decided that it would only control me & stop me living. I realised that I cannot change some things, some people's opinions of me, some parts of my life. So I had to work on things I could change. I am much happier now. I am not saying it happened overnight, far from it. it took many years. By the time I became disabled, I did not count my eyesight as a disability, I was accepting more of my limits & of things I could not change, so I could cope with it better.

I do not have a simple answer for you, I wish I did. You say there are things you can do, others cannot. You do have positives, so see them. I am not saying this fixes it or makes the negatives go away. However, when we concentrate on the negatives they take control, they take over. We can then only see the bad, what we do not have, what we cannot do, etc.

Have you been involved with any blind groups, charities, etc? Maybe the best people to help you are those like you, who know what you are going through right now. Sadly there is a lot you cannot do, but so much you can do. Some of that is with help, physical support, some with emotional support & encouragement. Do not judge those who try to help but do not understand, because that can add to your frustration. People do not get it because they do not have to face such problems as we do as disabled people. They just think if we try it will be OK. If we try it might be OK. If we try it is better than not trying, but it will not stop you being blind. I cannot change that, & nor can you, but what you can change is how you view the challenges & your limits but exploring your abilities more, & seeing your abilities as your strengths. It amazes me what blind people can do.

There really is no quick fix, I wish there was. Maybe therapy would help you, & many blind organisations can offer such support. I wish I had an easy solution for you, but I think you know that is not going to happen. Only you can change yourself, with support.

[SkyBlue]

Thank you, I do a lot with VI charities, but I'm not even sure it will help. I've spoken to people before about it and it didn't seem to do much. Like you said I probably need time.

[Stepheninleeds]

YW. Maybe you are not open to it all right now. I am not blaming here, but, when we are closed to things then things cannot change.