Well more good news here
Just got off the phone with Durham County Council, my Autistic son has a personal assistant 10hrs a week, took us 2 years and a formal complaint to get her. She gets £320 a month which they pay into a special Direct Payments account so I can pay her, when it was set up I was still managing to keep him in college and was getting Income Support for him. Now he's left (as there's nothing else they could offer him) he gets his own benefits, ESA and DLA.
Because he lives with me and "doesn't have any financial outgoings" or special needs (apart from 24hr care) they've assessed him as needing to pay £53 a week towards his own care!. That leaves him £60 a week to live on, we live together as a "couple" with both our incomes pooled together which is the only way we can afford to, if he had to pay for what he eats and the amount of clothes he goes through plus gas, electric, water rates etc.etc. he'd never manage.