Hi, I'm new here and I'll try and give you some background...
I've been depressed (and suicidal) since I was 8 years old...tried smothering and drowning myself but it didn't work. Several times I've gone to the train station with the idea of throwing myself under a train and I chickened out. I know pills won't work so I'm pretty much stuck with being alive.
I lost a lot of relatives within a 10 year period (virtually every Christmas) and in the last four years I lost my grandmother's of whom I was close to and my mum (who was also my best friend and the only one who understood me) so I'm already depressed and now feeling entirely lost.
I got sick when I was in my early 20's - I was having blackouts and passing out...dad was always having to come pick me up from work.
I finally got a proper diagnoses from a locum GP (not my regular doctor) and I was told it was my thyroid (under active) I was put on tablets - job done, right? Wrong!!!
Even after a year or so of taking these tablets I was still getting problems...roll on another locum and this time it's fibromyalgia...at the beginning I had specialists, therapists and pain management and then after about a year all that disappeared and I was on my own.
Every year I get worse...I'm constantly in pain, nauseas and fatigued to the point I can't even function at all some days - I also had various other stuff like my skin started falling off and leaving big open sores that I couldn't cover cause it made them fill with pus...turns out I'm allergic to my own progesterone hormone. And yes it's incredibly rare...I get sick from a cold or flu it takes me weeks and weeks (I've been sick since November with this coughing bug and bronchitis) I also have many other issues like menorahge, incontanence etc
Anyway I'll try to get to the point - I applied for PIP and it was denied, I sent out a form thanks to the CAB to appeal the decision and it was still denied...I also had to have two medicals (one for PIP and one for ESA)...the ESA one was awful as I was bleeding heavily (and had been for four weeks) and had the coughing bug so was pissing myself as well when I coughed...I had been in the support group for 4 years but after this medical they have moved me to the WRAG group and to top this all off I've not had any payment since 23rd December 2016 and now badly overdrawn at the bank...to say I'm stressed is an understatement.
I'm very very close to ending it all because I can't take the pain and sickness I'm dealing with in a daily basis, I have no close friends or close family apart from dad, no partner and an fed up with trying to tell my doctor and the government how sick I am (I need to point out that my doctor has virtually given me no help whatsoever with this recent bug and will not help me with the fibromyalgia...I'm even denied painkillers to help and am having to use over the counter medication which just doesn't work)
I am sorry this is so long but I desperately need some friendly advice...and don't suggest Samaritans cause when I emailed them they just said get better soon (and that was when I was thinking of suicide)