Paranoia and anxiety

[Mandyboops]

I am really struggling with this at the moment and have done so pretty much since i was in high school, i was bullied at school and always felt like the odd one out and i feel the same as an adult.I have no friends other than my family and partner and have pretty much no social contact what so ever, i find it hard just to talk on the phone to strangers, i feel like people are always looking at me when i go out etc.

Its so bad at the moment that i can't even go out to order my new motability car,last time i ordered one it took about 5 times of driving to the dealership and becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and ending up going back home, before i finally managed to go inside and do it.

My physical disability is not so obvious, i have a prosthetic leg and most people can't even tell, i feel like every time i go into a dealership they think that nothing is wrong with me.Some days i feel better than others, but 9 times out of 10 i can't face going outside unless im in my car, there has been times where its been so bad that i have ran out of petrol because i could not face going into a petrol station which sounds ridiculous even to me but i just cant help it ,whats worse is that i cant even bring my self to tell me GP as the i just get filled with anxiety and paranoia that they wont believe me! my gp only knows about my physical disability.

today im feeling really down about it, i was reallly looking forward to seeing what new cars where on the motability list today and now that its crunch time and i can go an order the axiety and paranioa has kicked in full force, im hopeing i feel better soon i hate feeling like this

The funny thing is i know this is absolutely ridiculous i just dont know why i feel like this

[hemiman]

Hi

i know exactly how you feel, i've had hemiparisis since birth and through my 40 odd years have developed lots of coping strategies, however not having a functioning left side does affect me. I learned to drive at 17 in an adapted car and have been with motability for many years, driving automatics with steering aids. mine like your physical disability is at times to me unnoticeable, but when i try and do things like normal able bodied people then it strikes me. I walk with a stick, but i try to get on with life and i enjoy it greatly.

This year i decided to leave motability and finance my own car, the reasons for this were the fact thart i don't fancy being in the middle of a 3 year contract and being reviwed and not qualifying for PIP, so i made the break, however i have to admit is scary as motability is fantastic.

i think what im trying to say is deep breath and go and get your car sorted, you should not feel the dealership are judging you.

take care