I just received a letter stating I am in WRAG for ESA,
I cannot understand this as I sent detailed letter in with claim forms,
I have never been able to work due to having a lifelong health problem, mental disability, and needing daily care and
supervision. This makes me vulernable as I have been subject to serious abuse in my younger years as I wanted people to love and care for me, and they mostly violently hurt or sexually bothered me, or stole from me or did some other bad stuff,
I am mostly bowel incontinent, unable to stay alone at night, have arthritis in hips and hands, and as a result of my physical health problems I also have anxiety and depression,
I also cannot relate to other people at all due to my lifelong experience with humans, and in fact have tendency to violence and confrontational behaviour due to the fact that I cannot decode what people are thinking or judging about me,
I have also been very vulnerable in the past, and have been attacked and sexually abused by those who I trusted to care for me, including a previous social worker and doctor.
I have no contact with hospital workers and very little contact with my doctor because I dont trust them. I also have no body who can advocate for me, as I cannot mix with strangers at all. and never use public transport or go into busy places where people are.,
I do not take medication as I do not trust doctors or the people who make the medication.
I want to be left alone with my dogs and my current manfriend (non sexual) who cares for me and who is the only person I can trust a little bit, although not fully.
I do not want to go to any interview and be judged by a person who wasnt there when I have been multiple beaten, multiple raped, locked in cupboards and had all my items burnt in fire. and doesnt know how I feel or why I am like I am,
My mums husband is also an abuser who hurt me from early age and still does when I go there.
How the heck is a 40 year old woman who cannot be left alone overnight, and barely cope with being alive as it is, supposed to bare the added stress of being interviewed and judged by some stranger whose only motive is to force me into taking a job where I will be humiliated, forced to work alongside people who will see my vulnerability and take advantage, and separated from my dog who is the only person I really love and want to be with?
I think this will push me over the edge. I think about suicide alot because my bowel problems are so humiliating and painful. but this extra trouble is too much to cope with for me,. and I think I will be unable to cope,.
I cannot go to these interviews, yet I have noone to advocate for me, because my family are abusers and my manfriend also has a disability and enough problems of his own with the benefits, and doesnt need to be burdened with my issues as well.
is there anyone who can help me. I cannot go to citizens advice as I have found my local one full of rude, ignorant staff with a 'get a job' attitude. they are also dog haters as they told me to leave my dog outside, which I am not prepared to do as he is an old dog.. and worth more than most of the people I have met in my life,