Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: ***Adult Only Please*** Marriage and Sex

  1. #1

    ***Adult Only Please*** Marriage and Sex

    Me and my wife were Nursing Assistants for years. We were traveling one night and I fell asleep behind the wheel and we were in a accident that I will forever blame myself for even if my wife says to stop cause she doesn't blame me. I will forever blame myself for her pain and suffering. But that is not what this forum is about. Just a back story I guess. I become paralyzed on my right side basically. I have no feeling in my hand and arm, and I can't feel most my thigh and everything down. They say it may or may not come back. Its been two years. She broke her hip and legs. She also suffered alot of other things. Basically for the past two years we have done everything to help one another. We have finally gotten over the struggles or the ones we can but one: Sex. Like I said we were both nursing assistants and if anyone knows anything about that job. It isn't easy and it can be quite disgusting. You basically clean other people and care for them. You have to tell yourself. This is a patient and he/she can't help themselves and you can't leave them like this. I think we both went into this mindset with each other. For a long time now, we have had to clean each other after bathroom trips, wash each other in general, and etc. Its really hard to picture her now sexually. We haven't really talked about sex since the accident. Nothing. Even if we did, I don't know that I could do it. Will I freak? Will I be able to get washing her and cleaning her out of my head? Will she be able to get that out of her head? Will she freak? There is so many questions and it just seems like a hill neither one of us can get over. I love her with all my heart. I miss her sexually but at the same time... I just don't know. Has anyone else dealt with this? I have full use of my member and she has full feeling. So its not like it doesn't work. I guess we may have went into nursing mode and just treated each other like a patient. Got in the mindset that this is a patient and this has to be done. Now its like I can't get over this but I want to. I don't know. I remember things from before too though. Well, there you go. My health question. Hope its not too risky for these forums. Cause in my opinion this is a serious health concern.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    warwickshire
    Posts
    767
    Hi Sorry to hear what as happened with you both I have no personal experience but i have a friend whose in a chair and her husband does all this for her but they have an healthy sex life theirs seems to be because they communicate really well they keep romance there do things as a couple when their child is at school. Maybe you and your wife should remind yourselves of how you fell in love to start with maybe start the whole courtship thing from scratch you know start with the simple stuff like cuddles and kissing and go on to heavy petting and then the sexual side when you are both ready start to try and see each other as sexual human beings rather than each other as just a patient that you care for. Maybe you could get outside care help so you'd be doing less personal stuff for each other, maybe ask doc about going to see someone that you could both talk to about how you both feel.
    I wish you both luck and hope you can get back to being lovers as well as the friends you are all the best.

  3. #3
    Very good post from Freedomeagle. Especially like the idea of trying to find help to get carers to do the things that you think are affecting your ability to see each other in a sexual way. i do understand how you feel in a way as my husband occasionally has to do things for me that i really would rather he didn't have to.
    i hope you can both work it out. Maybe the marriage counsellors Relate could help you or even point you in the right direction to get what you need.
    On a positive note. it is obvious that you love each other very very much and there are many able bodied couples who who do not have what you have together.

  4. #4
    As this is not a physical thing it is a physcological barrier you have which will need overcoming by both.
    This really isn't the place to try and resolve those issues and I think someone like Relate or any kind of counselling is the only way.
    I get the feeling that this has not really been discussed between the two of you and that may well be a good place to start but I understand that this in itself may be a big part of the problem. 2 years is a very short time for people to come to terms with major dramatic changes in their lives and clearly you yourself still have residule guilt.
    The fact that you have took this step in posting here means that now is the time to start the process of healing, and if you both still have love for each other then that is a solid foundation to build on.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    warwickshire
    Posts
    767
    Thanks for your nice comment to my reply and your idea of relate is a good idea i agree they sound like they have something there to save.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by freedomeagle View Post
    Thanks for your nice comment to my reply and your idea of relate is a good idea i agree they sound like they have something there to save.
    Praise due where praise worthy aye .It seems as if the OP is not coming back but hopefully by just posting the words he has found some starting point.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by freedomeagle View Post
    Thanks for your nice comment to my reply and your idea of relate is a good idea i agree they sound like they have something there to save.

    You are most welcome.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Dollydaydream View Post
    You are most welcome.
    AYE !!!!! What's the big idea raining on my parade, ha ha, derrrrr I thought some one was being nice to me, I keep making that mistake, you'd think I'd know better.
    Sorry for trying to get in on the action, needyness......very time consuming.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by wobble1 View Post
    AYE !!!!! What's the big idea raining on my parade, ha ha, derrrrr I thought some one was being nice to me, I keep making that mistake, you'd think I'd know better.
    Sorry for trying to get in on the action, needyness......very time consuming.
    pmsl... i did wonder what you were on about HA HA!! cheeky minx

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    warwickshire
    Posts
    767
    Thank you both and here's a site that might be useful to them www.outsiders.org.uk

Similar Threads

  1. Adult Trikes
    By jaicee58 in forum Ask a question about equipment
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-09-2013, 10:26 PM
  2. Tories tell Cameron to scrap gay marriage Bill
    By googlybear in forum News and general discussion
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 05-06-2013, 02:39 PM
  3. Newbie Question...slightly embarrassing DLA question (Adult Toilet Needs)
    By dungiving in forum Benefits - help & advice on disability benefits, incapacity benefits, ESA and DLA
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 01-28-2013, 12:50 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •